IF IT ISN'T LOVE....WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?

THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE POSTED LAST WEEK..BUT I WASN'T READY TO POST IT.  THIS IS THE PERSONAL ONE!

"if it isn't love, why do i feel this way?  Why does she stay on my mind?"  As said by NEW EDITION in there song "If It isn't love" and that is exactly the way I feel right now.  

Have you ever fallen for someone that you know you can never get?  Lets take it a notch higher.. Have you ever fallen for someone that you can never get and that person is your friend?  If you have then you know how much it sucks.  Some of you may know her but the ones that don't she is really a great person which is one reason why I fell for her once again.  You maybe asking yourself why did he say "once again?"  Well around 2 years ago I was blessed to meet this young lady.  At that time I was still on my " I don't give a f*&K" steeze.  I wasn't gonna trip over a chick because prior to that I was in a long relationship that ended sour because I was played 3 times.  We don't even have to get in this subject right now.  Lets just say my ex made me not care about chicks or even myself.  So anyways lets get back on track......So I met this lady and we dated for a little while.  I loved being around this girl.  She opened my eyes to what it was like dating someone with child.  I became more of a patient person because of her.  She's a real chick, she doesn't sugarcoat anything.  She helped me become a better person.  So to keep a long story short I messed up a few times.  Nothing like dating another chick at the same time as i was dating her.  But i wasn't real with her or real with myself.  So we stopped dating and actually didn't speak to each other for almost a year.  When we stopped dating or even talking to each other I was determined to get her back into my life because she made it that better.  So this year she forgave me and accepted me back as a friend.  But the more i hung out with her the more my feelings started to get stronger and stronger.  Yes I know she is my friend but how are you suppose to stop these feelings for someone that you really adore.  To that point that i feel that she is the missing puzzle piece to complete my puzzle.  Knowing that she reads this blog this could make me look really stupid.  But Love makes you do stupid sh*t like this.  You can call me stupid for even falling for her because I know I won't get her back in my life like that.  But like I said earlier I can't stop these feelings from happening.  I can truly say that I have only been in love with 2 chicks.  My ex and i lost that love along long time ago and now this girl who pretty much got me when I first seen her at Poleng lounge.   You know i could say some sh*t like, "dam i need to get back to the real Roland and not give a rats ass"  but that ain't the real me.  This is the real me.  This is how real as it gets.  Will I ever get what I want?  Probably not.  Regardless she will always be that person who I can always call a friend.  Yeah Yeah.  I'm a big softy.  Everybody has a soft side.